Not something I thought of.. but amazingly funny
"1. Only in America... can a pizza get to your house faster
than an ambulance.

2. Only in America... are there handicap parking places in
front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America... do drugstores make the sick walk all
the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while
healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America... do people order double cheeseburgers,
large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America... do banks leave both doors open and
then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America... do we leave cars worth thousands of
dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America... do we use answering machines to
screencalls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America... do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten
and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America... do we use the word 'politics' to
describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning bloodsucking creatures'.

10. Only in America... do they have drive-up ATM machines
with Braille lettering.

EVER WONDER...?

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their
mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do
"practice"?

Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on
"Start"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and
dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck
together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of
progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the
terminal?

~~~~

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and
that would be how??...)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion:
Defrost."
(but, it's "just" a suggestion.)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on
bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late,
huh!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after
heating." (...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on
body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or
operate
machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to
reduce
the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those
5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...
I'm
taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor
use
only." (as opposed to...what?)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about
a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe,
uh...fly Delta?)

On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain with your
hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to
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